Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
