his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
