i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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