I accidentally burped into my bong.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
