we're chasing vodka with high fives
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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