The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
