Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
