let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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