i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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