There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
