Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Pooping to opera.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
