But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
