while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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