If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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