You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
