i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
