recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
