its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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