Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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