My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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