Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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