He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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