we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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