he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
