I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
