One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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