Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
