i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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