At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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