sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
