I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
