he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
