Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
