I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
