My room smells like vodka and shame
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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