What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
