Have you finally orgasmed yet?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
