so that wasnt chicken after all
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
only if we run a train.
done.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
