erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Say something about gay babies.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
