If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
