I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize