I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
