I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
