If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize