Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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