i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
