a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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