My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
