You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
