My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
