She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
