the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
