actually, I'm a sock model
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
