i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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