If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have aggressive nipples.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
