apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
