kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
