I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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