She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
