i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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