It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
