we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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