Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
