I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
