This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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