Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
