Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
