So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
