The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
